Pregnancy Fears After a Loss

I feel like this is very important topic to discuss as not many women feel comfortable to talk about it, and understandably so. It is just so damn hard to talk about a miscarriage. In my previous blog I did write about miscarriage and some of my personal experiences around it. For those of you out there who have experienced a miscarriage, you probably agree with me that it inflicts a kind of painful scar in your soul that always stays with you. In my blog today I am going to write about the fears of trying for a baby after a miscarriage. This is a very personal topic for women while many people in our networks tend to want to weigh in on this topic for example by saying things like: “ It is too soon, wait a year”, “You will feel better in a year then try”, “Don’t worry it wont happen again”, “It wasn’t meant to be”, “Maybe it wasn’t the right time, just try again”, etc. For me, personally, I know that the people who said these things to me didn’t mean for it to come out in an inconsiderate way, but it did. It’s not that easy! Trying a few months after one has experienced a loss vs. waiting a year doesn’t make a difference because that fear will not go away and will be there throughout the pregnancy in my opinion.

Getting pregnant after loss is extremely anxiety provoking: it’s exciting and scary at the same time. It’s this feeling of total unknown. The important thing is to really try and help those fears that are causing major anxiety. We need to understand that subsequent pregnancies after a miscarriage put an extra mental burden on your mind: You will always be checking for blood after using the toilet, you may have major anxiety before every doctor appointment especially when they check the heart beat, or do an ultrasound, you may be scared to take photos of your pregnant belly in case it happens again, etc. You might even want to keep your pregnancy a secrete because if you were to experience another loss the whole act of explaining it to the world would be unbearable. These are all really real experiences for women who have gotten pregnant again, I know I can relate to all of these because I experienced it all.

In my case, I knew that I couldn’t live in fear for 9 months, so I focused on things that I could control. I focused on my family and nourished my body with healthy meals ( as much as I could because I felt sick a lot of the time). I kept my mind and body busy with healthy positive thoughts, I am not going to lie, it was a struggle. I read a lot of blogs of other women who were going through my pain. With all the healthy things I was trying to do I still felt fear with every appointment, every ultrasound, which is normal, it might not go away, but it is important to recognize it and try your best to do things to help that fear. The most important thing is that you focus on you and your baby and try your best to manage the fear. Honestly it might be with you until the very end. But motherhood is full of worries and struggles but its how we deal with them that is important (easier said than done, I know).

Being pregnant is a magical feeling, while some sail through it all without any adverse events, many women have a very difficult time getting pregnant or have experienced miscarriages or stillbirths or premature births and all of those are very painful experiences to have to overcome. It takes time and support and love. If you are or have experienced any of these hardships I can tell you that you don’t deserve the pain and its not your fault that this is happening, even though we might internalize it and believe it is, no matter that everyone is telling us; it is not our fault! It takes tiny steps and the first one is to take care of yourself and work every day to heal through this unbearable pain and remember that you are not alone in this healing journey.